We dropped the ball.

We have a Christmas tradition of going to the movies after a Holy-Day meal. Today the Wifey and I viewed "The Great Debaters" with Mum and Dad. T'was great seeing this movie with Denzel holding the main character, who in real-life was a member of Omega Psi Phi ! (Dad and I are both Omega Men.) Scenes of a tar-and-feathered lynching and a few other scenes of racism hit my parents hard. Pops had watched a lynch mob lynch-kill an uncle, and Pops and his Dad also cut down about five other neighbours who were lynched in Opelika Alabama. Mum was touched by the overall feelings involved in the movie and wept for minutes after giving a rousing ovation at the end of the film. Strangers walked up and gave her hugs and initially left me wondering if I were doing enough to console her. I later realized that they shared her pain, and wanted to share the joys and pains the movie highlighted.
While walking Pops out to his car Dad began a story of an English teacher, a white professor, who played tennis with him weekly at 5:00 in the morning. The word circulated about this white female professor who was meeting with a negro boy most every morning and the college president made a general announcement that any interactions with white professors in that capacity due to the danger it posed to fellow students. In 1957 we were still getting lynched, Pops said. The situation became news when a bread company that delivered bread to the campus threatened if my Pops continued playing tennis with the professor, they would stop delivering bread to the campus. The professor responded by writing a letter to the bread company complaining if they were going to boycott by refusing to serve a Black college because of the Black student, they should also boycott a White college as the professor was white.
The big thing, Pops shared, was that the professor was teaching him English during the tennis games. He was failing English horribly and the professor decided to take extra time with my Pops who didn't have an adequate English class in his high-school. Pops reportedly took a class for four years that would currently equate to Freshman English 101. He learned standard English speaking patterns and nuances while conversing with a professor who needed someone to aid her in staying in shape and keeping her tennis skills sharp. What a trade. Dad noted that once the games ended, he had a hard time......but he remained alive. Times were hard, but he lived the life that was given him, and played the games life gave him. Pops is so proud of the accomplishments of his generation. It pains me now when looking at peers who really don't care. When the ball was passed, we dropped the ball. We dropped the ball. I give thanks to our Great Debaters.

Thankful for being raised

Photo: Daniel, Dad, and I (Circa 1972 - Brooklyn New York)
I called Dad on my 39th born-day (12/19/2007) hoping to speak to he and Mom. I normally buy presents for my parents on my born-day and leave a card saying "Thank you for life.......Seko". The way I see it they gave birth on the day I was born so it should be a shared celebration. Folks think I'm crazy for this practice and I can't seem to get my kids into it after the Wifey told my son "That's not necessary" after he asked her what she wanted for his/hers/my birthday. This year I was feeling sick and knew I was broke-er than normal so I stayed in the bed and only kept a few appointments that day. I woke up around 6:30 p.m. feeling incomplete. Picking up my cellie I say that Mom called and left a message. I'm sure they were wondering what happened as I've been sharing the birthday with them for over 15 years now.
So Pops picks up the phone and I say "Happy Birthday Dad." He pauses, as normal, and then says "Yea... Happy Birthday Son. Your Mother and I wondered when we would hear from you today." He then says "I want to thank you for what you said at Thanksgiving, that made Mom and I feel honored." Although we spent Thanksgiving dinner with Wifey's fam' we visited my parents the next day and when my turn came to explain what I was thankful for I planned to thank GOD, thank the ancestors, and thank the wifey (in that order) but when I opened my mouth I heard myself say "I'm thankful for the way I was raised." Feeling a little shocked I closed my mouth quickly and smiled to make sure I didn't say anything else I didn't plan too (some secrets gotta' go to the grave) and squeezed the wifey's hand to notify her that it was her turn to speak. Dad then shared how he and Mom sat up late one night and discussed those eight words I didn't plan to say. Sometimes my heart just speaks for me, or maybe the almighty speaks through me, or maybe the ancestors want a message passed, or possibly the three are actually one. I didn't plan to make that statement but it's so very true. As I've looked at my peers, co-workers, clients, and surrounders I've often said to myself "I'm glad I wasn't raised like this." or "I'm glad I was raised like this."
A few days before my born-day I was sitting in the office of one of the agencies I work for facing an angry owner who told me "You are a failure! Yes, you are a failure. You are sooooooo Afro-centric, soooooooo about the community, sooooooooooo this and that, but you are really a failure. I know your parents and I know it's not about how you were raised so I don't understand why you are such a failure." I'm thinking "This trick is crazy." but I kept my mouth shut while she talked and simply said "I know I didn't approach that project as aggressively as I should have. I just wouldn't have said it that way. I have to disagree with you." She responded "I expected you to say something like that. I just want to hear what you are going to do from this point on." I responded "I'll let my work speak for me." as I kinda' left the room. I was still in the room and I'm sure she was still talking, but I was gone. As I left the room (physically) I was thinking to myself "Wow.......The way I was raised ? She knows the way I was raised ?"
My cousin Sean emailed me. He lives in Britain now with his wifey-4-lifey Carol. (Visit my first blog that detailed my experience at his wedding.) They are expecting ! I remember talking with him in London about the way he was raised and the way he would want to raise his kids. He said "I kinda' want to be the type of father your father was." I told him. "Yea, I do too." It's great to be thankful for my upbringing. I work hard to make sure my kids will say the same. Like Ed O.G. said "Be a Father to your child." It's funny. I used to think the phrase 'raise your child' simply meant to care for and love your child. Now the phrase means that the care and love and discipline I provide to my children should take them to the next levels. Ashee, Ashee, Ashee.

Celebrating 70 Years of Life ! - Samuel VArner

Click the play button or click the link for a 26 minute video that was played at Dad's celebration ! This video chronicles his life !

I smile, you smile.

Dad's family wished him well as he discussed going to college. His mother and father both had third grade educations. His grandparents had less formal education. He was never the smart child, he was only the one that was able to self motivate himself. The family went from plush to poor as the Whites in his neighborhood tricked his father out of land that he acquired. At one time my grandfather owned the first T-Model Ford vehicle in Opelika and had acres of land. After the devils finished with him, he was extremely poor. Dad grew up with no running water, eating every two days at times, and in a home/shack that may seem third-world'ish in today's American standards. I remember the day he received his Doctorate degree from Princeton. He smiled widely for hours. His teeth became dry, he was so proud. He ensured that my siblings and I had an easier life. He ensured that he was a better husband than his father was. He ensured that he would be able to provide us with an education after formal school since his father wasn't able to provide him with that opportunity. Dad made sure that he was the man that his father trained him to be and the man that his father wanted to be. Dad often told me that a dwarf standing on the arms of a giant can see farther and go farther than the giant. As I talk to Dad about the necessity of having more than an educational opportunity for my kids he simply smiles. I realized today that the smile he gives during those talk is the same as when he graduated. His graduation graduated our family, my new insight provides our family's new insight. I shine you shine. I pray now that I can experience that smile for many more years. After his last surgery his appetite has decreased. Dad now can go days without feeling hungry. I now enjoy every meal with him in a different light. Just watching him eat makes me smile. It's funny......When I smile my son looks at me and smiles without knowing why. I guess I have a dwarf on my shoulders now. I smile, he smiles.