Seventy One Years

Sunday 10/19/2008 (Roman Catholic Calendar) Dad became 71 years old.......We guess. In Dad's day an official-actual-legal birth certificate wasn't provided for Colored people in Opelaka Alabama during the 1936-1938 years. Most kept a copy of the baby's note in a family Bible or so. His birth was done with a mid-wife and somehow the records haven't been located. Since the old place that Pops was raised in isn't around at this time, and both of my grandparents are ancestors, we will probably never know.

We gathered around the dining room table. The only folk missing were my sister Elizabeth and my (Sister's daughter) niece Karina. Dan and his wife and three children were in the house. My wife and kids were in the house. Dad was happy.

His grandchildren wrote compositions and recited them. His children gave him presents. His wife gave him directions. All was well with his soul.

Dad had been complaining about his health lately, specifically stating that he wasn't sure if he would see this day earlier. I have been driving Dad back and forth to his classes lately and asked a week or so ago if he was aware of how the family has been bothered by him making such statements. He shared that he wasn't aware that we had become privy to his worries. Today he made mention that he was looking forward to many future parties with his family, he looked at me and smiled, resolving our discomfort.

We ate food, we ate cake. Dad held his newest grandchild and sang to her. This was a small, warm, and touching night.

Today I looked upon a man who was very different. The man who first gave me an allowance and who sold a car he allowed me to use after I neglected to pay him insurance money was now asking me for financial advice. The man who seemed like a giant is now shorter than I. The man who gave discipline with a heavy hand was now lighter than I. There is one thing that has remained in regards to our relationship - fear. I used to fear his wrath, now I fear his absence.

Happy Birthday Pops, we love ya.

Seko Benjamin-Eric VArner

Civil Rights & Civil Rage

"The White man came to African with rifles and Bibles, heard the names and started changing the titles. So instead of Shaka Zulu I'm Nat Turner with a burner..."

.....Dead Prez - 2000

I'm sure most of America (U.S.A.) will not understand my parent's rage. My mother describes American-born Blacks and/or African-Americans as suffering from Post Traumatic Stress disorder when she share how Africans and African descendants who migrate to our country seem to fare better on a whole than native born Blacks or African-Americans on the whole. My parents have been the best example of not harboring hate towards people, and have never held their tongue when describing the life that America has given them. I'm walking the same road as they did as a parent; I'm attempting to raise my children, and other children I come into contact with, with a love for all and an appreciation for all creation.

As I listen to Sean Hannity, Neal Bortz, and my old favorite Rush I've learned that America's rugged individualism will seem at odds with the communal approach to living that seems to be in the heart of all African civilizations and nations that have an African genetic make-up. Our communal living seems similar to socialism and communism. When we support Black Businesses it may seem like reverse racism. I understand why the ideas expressed in the Kwanzaa principles may seem anti American to one who seems like an outsider to what the principles embrace.

While discussing why some many were upset with Dr. Jeremiah Wright's statements and worried about Obama's connection with Trinity United Church of Christ I saw the rage jump out of my parents. They felt personally attacked by the "Republicans" who were airing the concerns that I was able to express to them as an avid listener of conservative radio. My dad pounded on the table shouting "Do you know what white folks have done to me ?"......."Yes" I answered. We have experienced America's devilish and Godly nature. The colored Americans of my great-great grandparents, great grandparents, grandparents, and parents time have all looked at America and said "Forgive them God, for they know not what they do." These generations loved America as Yeshua (Jesus) loved the world. Yeshua loved the world enough to be radical and tear stuff up in the temples and also to allow those temple folk to inflict terrorist acts upon him while he prayed for the Almighty to change their hearts. As we spoke, and allowed them to vent their anger, an understanding of the dual feelings we have for our country surfaced. We love America and hate America simultaneously at times. We love our country but don't truly trust our government. We've said "Damn America" and would pray for America in our next breath.

Seeing the media demonize Dr. Wright, a U.C.C. pastor, because he said what many of "African in America" have said. Americans in their zeal to better America are now attacking anything that seems to radical. My parents generation remained quiet and full of hope for America when America showed progress and regress in regards to Blacks. This generation is now being demonized for feelings that are natural. Our country legalized and allowed terrorist acts to occur to it's primary non-European descended citizens. Our country paid others to commit acts of war to our enemies. It's always been interesting to me how we seem to have ongoing disputes with countries and individuals that were former employees of America such as Ben Laden and Castro.

I've heard hosts and callers of my favorite shows state that while Dr. Wright may have a little truth in his statements his statements seem to ignore the great strides our country have made towards ensuring civil rights to it's citizens. I stated to my parents that we are going to seem angered and "preaching hate" unless we constantly drive home the point that America has changed, while we continue to point out it's past and present flaws. The conversation ended with an uneasy air as both parents wrung their hands containing the anger towards the past sins of America upon it's citizens. This generation was never given a chance to heal from the wounds that America inflicted upon them. Today their attempts to heal these wounds seem Anti-American. They can't win for loosing.

It's funny how America and Christianity have had similar effects upon Africans and Indians. Both have been blessings and curses. Via America a group of Africans/Indians have been able to be a part of the best Nation in our current world, through America some of the greatest acts of evil have affected these same African/Indian people. Via Christianity our people have been in contact with the creator through Yeshua, at the hands of Christians our African/Indian people have died, lost land, and been enslaved. Both America and Christianity were a the core of this issue that the country faced with Dr. Wright's statements.

As Christians and as Americans my parents have faced the difficulties and opportunities with a fortitude I admire. When I consider what people who considered themselves to be Christians have done to others and when I consider what Americans have done to others I've often wondered why I am so proud to called a Christian and an American. I must say it's because of the models I've had with my parents. Civil Rights & Civil Rage now seem to be the Christian and American way.

White Folks

Drew Morris, a (White, and I say that to provide a visual) minister who is around 65 (Pops is 70) shared with me in a meeting information about my Dad that I didn't know. He stated "Your Dad is a phenomenal man, he has done things that others are still scared to do. He deserves a lot of recognition. He then says "We were in a meeting and he shared with us that Dr. King (The Honorable Dr. Martin Luther King) told my father in a meeting "You'll have to get rid of your hate for White people to do your job." Dad then reportedly shared in this meeting with Drew other things he did during the Civil Rights era involving racial reconciliation. Drew shared how he admired how my Dad, and other Blacks, rose above the problems of that time to act in a manner exemplified by Yeshua (Jesus). As a child I used to wonder how my parent's and ancestors lived under the suffocating veil of evil White supremacy without wanting to kill every White person in sight. As mad as I would become after hearing their stories I still couldn't hate Whites because my parents wouldn't allow that. They taught me to love Black and love White and everything in between. A lady once set Pops' hair on fire when he rooted for the other team at a football game. The Blancos around him wouldn't let him put out the fire nor retaliate against the witch. How could he be so loving after facing so much hate... He attributed it to "a relationship with Christ"... I thought that he and Christ were both crazy.
Dad is pictured here with his friend..........Baseball legend Jackie Robinson. I remember coming home from school after learning about Jackie Robinson in school and telling Dad and Mom I want to play Baseball like Jackie Robinson. Dad said something to the effect of "Jackie used to throw balls at you when you were a baby." Dad then pulled Jackie Robinson's book off of his bookshelf and showed me a signature from Jackie with comments that could only be made from people who are close. Dad used to minister to Jackie Robinson's family and was even referenced in the book's "Thank You's". This picture still makes me shiver. Two men who both shaped and changed the world I live in. Two men who faced the cruelty of Amerikkka (the U.S.A.) squarely in the face and 'showed love' in response to hate.
Dad raised us in a rather Afro-Centric environment, yet never showed a disdain for anyone. We were taught to love Africa and America. I still get looks of surprise when I often end prayers with my kids by saying "GOD bless Africa, GOD bless America, GOD bless everybody." GOD bless everybody.... Even those I want to hate. When Dad spoke of people he hated he spoke of Blacks who were racial betrayers. Dad is chock full of stories where White-folks did incredibly devilish acts of hatred to him, yet he only hated when 'we' didn't achieve, when 'we' hurt each-other, when 'we' failed to improve our station in life, when 'we' didn't appreciate ourselves...........Achieve, heal us, improve yourself, appreciate us.